if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
