Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
