Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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