its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
