I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
