He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
