There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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