Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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