What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
