Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
