so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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