i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
