Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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