Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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