You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
