I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize