his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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