i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
