need another drink. this is the easiest way
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
where am i from again
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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