OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
