first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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