I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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