Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
