i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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