whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
