I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
