Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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