okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
