I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize