Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
