i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
