I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
