Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize