i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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