All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
