I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
