can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just had sex bonerless
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
