Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize