i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
