where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize