Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
