I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
