so that wasnt chicken after all
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
