I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
