yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Randomize
