Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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