I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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