I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
