I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
