did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
