i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
