Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
