HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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