I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
