Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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