Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
