Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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