this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
