I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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