if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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