Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
