Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
