South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
