You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
