Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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