Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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