apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
