Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
