like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
