the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
