hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
